Weighed in this morning.  And I’m down to 349.8 – which means that 2 weeks of my “hard” (yeah, that’s sarcasm) work, I lost a whopping .4 pounds… At this rate I’ll reach my goal a couple weeks after I’m dead…

But it’s truly not that surprising given all the time I’ve spent with Fast Food and Pizza since the first of the year…actually I should be happy I haven’t gained…

Might I add I’m really tired of being in such a downer mood all the damn time…  I don’t even want to listen to my endless whining let alone subject others to it.

I’m just going to keep trudging along, and hope that I snap the hell out of this (or that I get medicated the hell out of this).

I see the Evil Trainer twice this week, and I have Pilates Saturday morning.  ET is working on my knee to help me strengthen it AND to help me be able to straighten it (it’s always slightly bent) – and HP is working on strengthening my inner thigh muscles (the adductors I believe).  And they BOTH are laying a world of hurt on me – but for the best reasons…

They both keep telling me the hardest part is just showing up – and I’m trying really hard to not only show up but to actually be present.  I’m better at being present with HP – because Pilates takes so damn much focus.  But I do tend to check out sometimes with ET…

Please get out of my life and STAY out of my life…  Just LEAVE ME ALONE.

I feel horrible because of you, and I couldn’t sleep last night because of you.  You aren’t worth it, and I’m hoping to finally cut you out of my life permanently.  And your nasty cousin fast food too…

Worked from home today which means I was around the leftovers from the party which means I’ve been stuffing my face all damn day.  And good lord do I feel bloated and gross from it…

Clearly I can’t have sweets in the house or I’ll spend the day grazing.  I wouldn’t say I binged, but I sure as hell ate more than I needed and all of it was crap.

Never going to make my November 1 goal of 350 like this!  So it stops NOW.  I’m going to throw out the candy and the chips and the cheese.  I can’t have it in the house.

Tomorrow I’ll pack my breakfast and lunch and will just get myself back on track… It’s all I can do – can’t change what I’ve done today….

I see the Evil Trainer tomorrow, and I’ll do 30 minutes of cardio too.  I *should* go to the gym tonight – but I honestly think I’d throw up at this point if I exercise – that’s how full I feel.  Hard to imagine that I used to feel like this ALL THE TIME…

I’m going to add one more goal for this week:

  • No Sweets or Junk Food

Here’s to a successful Tuesday!

A couple days ago during a doom and gloom posting, I was talking about my food addiction, and how I thought I needed to define what sobriety means to me.

Sobriety from the bulimia is easy – no purging=sobreity.  If I don’t binge, I generally don’t purge – it’s been a LOOOOONG time since I purged after a normal meal.

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I was watching Intervention, and that show always gets me to think about addiction, specifically my addiction to food.

Since I know it is an addiction, does that mean I’m never going to be able to be successful at weight loss unless I really restrict myself to just eating the “good” foods?  No – I know all that will do is cause a binge, and hopefully that binge will not be followed by a purge – I did purge once this weekend :( .  So clearly “good” vs. “bad” food is not a good way for me to go.

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