in Water Aerobics last night, and the upper body is feeling it today…  Sadly the knee is also feeling it – which is sad because I had almost a full day of little to no pain!  (It was wonderful!)  Next Wednesday is the last Water Aerobics session and I don’t think I’m going to sign up again for it.  I think for now I’ll stick with the water walking, I just need to focus on being gentle with my knees.  Besides one of the women in the class is SO ANNOYING…  And she never stops talking…  So I need to plan my pool sessions for when she’s NOT there.

Word in the pool is that the entire rec center is going to be closed the week of May 25.  If true, that throws a monkey wrench in my 30-day plan.  I guess it usually closes one week a year to take care of all the maintenance stuff that needs to be done – but it’s usually at the end of summer.  I’ll ask when I stop in for some pool time tonight or tomorrow.

As far as the no candy/no diet pop goals are concerned, I’m all good.  This is day 5, and other than that bumpy patch on day 3, the cravings aren’t so strong.  I still need to take the big man for a walk, but I’m thinking we will do that Saturday morning before meeting a friend for brunch.

In other news, as excited as I am about having a house cleaning service, at the moment I’m MORE stressed about money.  So I’m going to have to postpone using the service.  I just need to take care of some bills before I start spending my money on that.  God being an adult and responsible about my money SUCKS!!!!!!  But in the meantime I’ll continue with my unfucking.  This weekend the goal is my bedroom, and the unfucking includes dusting and vacuuming.  It’s just one room, and I know I can do it!

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I want some candy and a diet pop SOOOOO BADLY!  Pop was all I could think about driving to work today – I forgot how hard it is for me to kick the habit!  And I had some spicy chili at lunch – and after spicy food I always want something sweet.  Sadly I don’t have any dried figs left at work, so I have no non-candy options – because if I walk to the cafeteria, then I will end up buying a bag of candy.  Looks like I’m just going to have to white knuckle it until the craving passes.

I saw the Physical Therapist yesterday (thankfully she didn’t weigh me!!), and she’s given me 3 exercises to do, and I am scheduled to see her again on the 29th.  I did like her and she seemed to understand my limitations because of the knees, and although she’s not sure PT will “cure” me, she thinks it can help me get to a better place where I have easier mobility.  I’ve got weak hips (how could something so large be weak???), and not enough flexibility in my ankles – so that’s causing more knee issues.

She wants me to do the water walking at least once a week – but 2 or 3 times would be better.  And I’m not allowed to do any jumping in the water aerobics class.   So we will see how that works at class tomorrow night.  She also wants me to see an Orthopedic Surgeon, and she did give me the name of one, but he doesn’t take my shitty insurance (Kaiser), so I did some hunting and found one that I think I will try out.

So my plan is to do water aerobics tomorrow night, and water walking Thursday night and I’m also going to aim for a Saturday morning water walking session.  For now I’ll do 30-minutes, I can gradually work up to more time as the knee feels better.  I did ask her if swimming would be okay – but for now, it’s out…  Of course as soon as I hear that I shouldn’t do it, it’s all I want to do.  :D

or two, or three, or four…

I always tend to aim WAY too high on my goals – I’ll want to accomplish 10 things and then get so friggin’ overwhelmed that NOTHING gets accomplished.  This can be related to weight loss, stuff around the house, crafts, pretty much everything – except work for some reason.

But I’m an inveterate list maker.  Lists make me both happy and stressed, but generally more happy than stressed.  Every time I decide re-start my weight loss/get healthier plan, I start with a list of things to accomplish in a month.  So a couple days ago I started my list.  And it just kept growing.  So I decide to break it into multiple months.  Still too much.  So today I decided to scrap that list altogether and (hopefully) never revisit it.

But I feel like I need goals.  So I have decided on the following four for the next 30-days (May 9 – Jun 9).

1.  NO CANDY (this will be hard!)

2.  NO Diet Soda (this will be not so hard)

3.  Walk Dutch 1x a week (have to overcome my laziness and using knee pain as an excuse)

4.  Pool exercise 1x a week (ditto)

This starts tomorrow mainly because of this:

30-day1

The candy fruit slices always seem like a better idea than they actually are.  And in my defense I did have an actual lunch before I delved into the bag of candy.

The shrink also wants me to work on actually feeling my feelings (don’t laugh – it’s hard!) rather than trying to push them off, or fight them.  Let’s just say I don’t like feeling my feelings.

In other news, I have until June 19 to get my house unfucked.  Why June 19?  Well because on June 20 I have a cleaning service scheduled to start!!!  The first clean is a deep clean, and I cannot wait!!!!  What does unfucking mean?  Well – I need to do a TON of de-cluttering basically.  So I’m trying to follow the advice from Unfuck Your Habitat – it’s awesome.  So expect updates on that progress for the next few weeks – and if I’m feeling brave, maybe some before and after pics as well.

It’s been a rough few years…  At the end of April 2011, my dad died – and sometimes I think I’m still pulling myself back up after that.  Then the beginning of April 2013 my sweet Angus died.  I now officially HATE April!  My Mom also moved to what I call assisted living, but in reality it’s more of a nursing home.  But she’s doing really well there – although she hates April as much as I do…

I’ve also been seeing a therapist – for almost 2 years now I believe – it started out that I wanted to get approved for WLS, and it’s turned into I really want to fix my food issues.  Some progress has been made – it’s been just over 1 year since my last purge (YAY!), my binges are less frequent and less “bad” as well.  I’m still struggling with mindless eating and overeating – but I’m working on it!  I see her one day a week and as much as I hate it sometimes (like last week), in the end I do feel better after seeing her.

I think my weight has stayed pretty much where it was the last time I wrote – in other words more than I want to be carrying around daily.  And I can honestly say that it is effecting my quality of life – which is why I’m still pondering WLS.  But the shrink has to give the okay for that to happen.  So it’s something I try to not obsess over.

I still see the Evil Trainer – though not as often as I should – and he’s still hopeful that I can lose the weight and keep it off!  Bless his twisted little heart.  My big hang-up is knee pain – it has started to affect every aspect of my life.  So I’m doing a once weekly (for now) water aerobics class to see if that helps, and next week I’m seeing a PT to see if she can help as well.  If I had less pain, I think I’d be more active.

I’m working at a different job than I was last time I blogged – it’s not a dream job by any means, but I’ve decided it would be good for me to hang in rather than cut and run.  It gives me the freedom to see the shrink, not to mention it’s not too far from her office – so I’m staying for now.

After Angus died, it was just too lonely going home to an empty house – so I found a new boy to love.  He’s a (now) 9-year old, 180-lb, English Mastiff named Dutch.  And he’s just the biggest, sweetest goober!  He came from a giant breed rescue – Big Dogs Hugs Paws – and I couldn’t love him more.  He’s been with me almost a year now.

So that’s me today…

Good Lord the Evil Trainer was EXTRA Evil today!  My ass hurts, my legs hurt, my arms hurt, my shoulders hurt…  I am just a giant mass of hurt!  He’s going old skool on my ass – part of today’s torture involved a giant tractor tire and a sledge hammer… But if helps me reach my goal, then it’s what I gotta do.  All I can say is tomorrow morning’s water aerobics is gonna be very hurty.

I am NOT looking forward to going back to work tomorrow – these past two days have been soooo enjoyable.  But since I have yet to win powerball, I guess I have to go back.

I’d also like to say I’ve reached the following “Milestones”:

  1. 1 week since my last pop (diet or otherwise)
  2. 1 week since my last vending machine snack
  3. 2.2 weeks since my last pizza
  4. 58 days since my last fast food!!!!  :D

It’s been a long friggin’ week at work, and I’m REALLY looking forward to having the next four days off…

I’ve already fallen off the Lent wagon – mainly because I forgot that I was not going to eat meat on Fridays, and I had roast beef today.   BUT I am sticking to my vow of no pop/vending machine snacks, so I got that going for me  ;)

I’ve got Pilates tomorrow morning, and then perhaps if I’m in the mood, I may go to the pool for some water walking.  If it’s nice outside, I’m thinking the pool will be pretty empty.  AND I have to get my butt to 24-hour Fitness to cancel my membership – I keep forgetting to do that…  I’m also retaining water like the friggin’ Hoover Dam!  My weight has gone up almost 4 pounds in the last 2 days, and my ankles are just finally starting to feel normal.  Just goes to show me the amount of salt in frozen dinners is hell on my system – no matter how much water I drink.

I also discovered today that Kashi granola bars are dangerous for me to have around – they are sooo good that I just stuff my face with them, so they are now banned from my house!  On the plus side, I believe I hit my daily requirement of fiber for today.  Actually according to my Diet Power software, I ate 192% of my daily recommended fiber.

And this may sound crazy, but I think that after just a couple days on the non-Generic Thyroid meds that I can feel the difference.  I’m sure I’m imagining it – or just really wanting it to be true.

I’m signed up for Friday 6am water workouts!  Turns out there was a class it just hadn’t been added to the system properly, so I couldn’t sign up for it a few weeks back, but I’m all signed up now.  So 3 days a week I have to haul my ass out of bed and be to the Rec Center for 6am class.    Here’s hoping I’ll see a nice change in my weight at the end of this month.  And I do really enjoy the classes – it’s just the getting up and getting there that’s hard…  I hurt less after today’s class, but my knees are feeling a bit hinky – so it’ll be an Aleve night for this chicky.