in Water Aerobics last night, and the upper body is feeling it today…  Sadly the knee is also feeling it – which is sad because I had almost a full day of little to no pain!  (It was wonderful!)  Next Wednesday is the last Water Aerobics session and I don’t think I’m going to sign up again for it.  I think for now I’ll stick with the water walking, I just need to focus on being gentle with my knees.  Besides one of the women in the class is SO ANNOYING…  And she never stops talking…  So I need to plan my pool sessions for when she’s NOT there.

Word in the pool is that the entire rec center is going to be closed the week of May 25.  If true, that throws a monkey wrench in my 30-day plan.  I guess it usually closes one week a year to take care of all the maintenance stuff that needs to be done – but it’s usually at the end of summer.  I’ll ask when I stop in for some pool time tonight or tomorrow.

As far as the no candy/no diet pop goals are concerned, I’m all good.  This is day 5, and other than that bumpy patch on day 3, the cravings aren’t so strong.  I still need to take the big man for a walk, but I’m thinking we will do that Saturday morning before meeting a friend for brunch.

In other news, as excited as I am about having a house cleaning service, at the moment I’m MORE stressed about money.  So I’m going to have to postpone using the service.  I just need to take care of some bills before I start spending my money on that.  God being an adult and responsible about my money SUCKS!!!!!!  But in the meantime I’ll continue with my unfucking.  This weekend the goal is my bedroom, and the unfucking includes dusting and vacuuming.  It’s just one room, and I know I can do it!

I want some candy and a diet pop SOOOOO BADLY!  Pop was all I could think about driving to work today – I forgot how hard it is for me to kick the habit!  And I had some spicy chili at lunch – and after spicy food I always want something sweet.  Sadly I don’t have any dried figs left at work, so I have no non-candy options – because if I walk to the cafeteria, then I will end up buying a bag of candy.  Looks like I’m just going to have to white knuckle it until the craving passes.

I saw the Physical Therapist yesterday (thankfully she didn’t weigh me!!), and she’s given me 3 exercises to do, and I am scheduled to see her again on the 29th.  I did like her and she seemed to understand my limitations because of the knees, and although she’s not sure PT will “cure” me, she thinks it can help me get to a better place where I have easier mobility.  I’ve got weak hips (how could something so large be weak???), and not enough flexibility in my ankles – so that’s causing more knee issues.

She wants me to do the water walking at least once a week – but 2 or 3 times would be better.  And I’m not allowed to do any jumping in the water aerobics class.   So we will see how that works at class tomorrow night.  She also wants me to see an Orthopedic Surgeon, and she did give me the name of one, but he doesn’t take my shitty insurance (Kaiser), so I did some hunting and found one that I think I will try out.

So my plan is to do water aerobics tomorrow night, and water walking Thursday night and I’m also going to aim for a Saturday morning water walking session.  For now I’ll do 30-minutes, I can gradually work up to more time as the knee feels better.  I did ask her if swimming would be okay – but for now, it’s out…  Of course as soon as I hear that I shouldn’t do it, it’s all I want to do.  :D

No diet soda, but I did have a four pieces of candy when I was at the salon getting my hair colored & cut yesterday.  So I re-started my 30-day clock – now it runs May 11 – June 11.  Not beating myself up over it, it is what it is, and I am just going to keep moving forward.

I’ve also been thinking about stepping on the scale – although I’m pretty sure I know about what I weigh, and I don’t know why the actual number matters.  I suspect however that the physical therapist is going to put me on a scale tomorrow when I see her.  I just wish the damn number didn’t always seem so important!

Winter made what I hope is it’s last showing here today, it’s been snowy and cold all day – so I spent the day just relaxing and binge watching Law & Order SVU, and made a pot of chili.  Other than that, I did NOTHING!  Didn’t even get out of my jammies.  It’s been GLORIOUS.   Too bad I have to go to work tomorrow.  :(

Made zero progress on the unfucking this weekend – just didn’t feel up to it.  The plan is to clean off the dining room table and take some trash out tomorrow when I get home from work, OH and to do the dishes in the sink tonight.

So that’s me today.

or two, or three, or four…

I always tend to aim WAY too high on my goals – I’ll want to accomplish 10 things and then get so friggin’ overwhelmed that NOTHING gets accomplished.  This can be related to weight loss, stuff around the house, crafts, pretty much everything – except work for some reason.

But I’m an inveterate list maker.  Lists make me both happy and stressed, but generally more happy than stressed.  Every time I decide re-start my weight loss/get healthier plan, I start with a list of things to accomplish in a month.  So a couple days ago I started my list.  And it just kept growing.  So I decide to break it into multiple months.  Still too much.  So today I decided to scrap that list altogether and (hopefully) never revisit it.

But I feel like I need goals.  So I have decided on the following four for the next 30-days (May 9 – Jun 9).

1.  NO CANDY (this will be hard!)

2.  NO Diet Soda (this will be not so hard)

3.  Walk Dutch 1x a week (have to overcome my laziness and using knee pain as an excuse)

4.  Pool exercise 1x a week (ditto)

This starts tomorrow mainly because of this:

30-day1

The candy fruit slices always seem like a better idea than they actually are.  And in my defense I did have an actual lunch before I delved into the bag of candy.

The shrink also wants me to work on actually feeling my feelings (don’t laugh – it’s hard!) rather than trying to push them off, or fight them.  Let’s just say I don’t like feeling my feelings.

In other news, I have until June 19 to get my house unfucked.  Why June 19?  Well because on June 20 I have a cleaning service scheduled to start!!!  The first clean is a deep clean, and I cannot wait!!!!  What does unfucking mean?  Well – I need to do a TON of de-cluttering basically.  So I’m trying to follow the advice from Unfuck Your Habitat – it’s awesome.  So expect updates on that progress for the next few weeks – and if I’m feeling brave, maybe some before and after pics as well.

It’s been a pretty crappy year since I last blogged…  My Dad died suddenly last April, my Mom has Alzheimers, work has been hell (tho, thankfully I have been working – no unemployment at all), I still feel like ass, and yeah, that pretty much sums things up.

I don’t know where I was at weight-wise this time last year, but I think I’m pretty much at the same place – haven’t had to buy any bigger clothes at least.  I’m trying to get back on track with the Evil Trainer, and Pilates, and Cardio – if for no other reason than the hope it will help me feel better.  Next Monday I start doing water workouts from 6-7am twice a week for 3 months at the Rec Center – the hours suck, but what are you gonna do.  I’m shooting for seeing the Evil Trainer on Tues & Thurs, and then Pilates on Saturday.  Friday & Sunday I get to rest.

Oh yeah, and I turn 50 in 10 days, and I just got my first membership offer from AARP in the mail yesterday.  BLARGH!!!!

Well aren’t I just a little ray of sunshine?  :)

For the next 2 months, my goals with the Trainer are modest – and they mostly involve me just moving more, and staying away from the pizza binges & junk food.  No weight loss goals at all.  We are easing me back into things.  Starting completely over – rather than dwelling on the past.  And I think that is a very good way to get me going again.  I guess he does sometimes know what he’s talking about…  Though I can never admit that to him  ;)

I’m also looking into therapy – seriously.  I thought I had found a place, but they only do Intensive Outpatient Therapy – and that translates to 4 hours a day, 5 days a week.  But they had a recommendation for another place, and that as it turns out is right across the street from where I work (well, until my office moves in 2 weeks – but it will still be close enough for a lunch session if needed).

I have some travel plans in the Spring, and I’m pondering a week at Lake Austin Resort & Spa in the Fall – a little health & relaxation trip just for me.  It’s kind of pricey, but I’m thinking it will be my 50th birthday present to myself.  I saw it on the first 5 episodes of Heavy on A&E and it just looks LOVELY!

No – I didn’t oversleep… HP is out of town so no Pilates for me this morning and I’m surprised to find that I missed starting my Saturday with pain and torment Pilates.  It just felt like something was missing all day.

Although I did get my brows down and my hair cut and colored – and that ALWAYS makes for a good day!  It’s hard to not feel pretty when the all the grey gets banished.

I’ve also been thinking it’s time to start doing some of the damn cardio…  So my goal for now until my birthday (35 days from now) is to do cardio 2x a week for 20 min each time.  I’m hoping my knee can survive 20 min on the Elliptical because that’s about the only cardio I don’t hate with the intensity of a thousand white-hot suns.  Depending on how long I have to work tomorrow, I may hit the gym in the afternoon.  And then I plan to hit it again on Thursday.  I see ET Wednesday & Friday, and HP on Saturday.

Time to charge the iPod and find my headphones I guess.

The Evil Trainer did my measurements this morning.  Several were down, a couple were up, and some others didn’t change.  I’ve updated my “weighing in” tab with all the gory details.

I mainly went down in my arms & legs – which is fine especially when you consider I call my calves “cows”…  Now please nobody take offense at the next comment – but the crazies in my head are now saying I’m just going to turn into one of those fat women who carry all the weight between their neck & hips – and have stick skinny arms & legs… I’m not saying that’s bad, I’m just saying that I prefer my fat all over shape.  :)

We didn’t set specific goals for January – but I’m going to try and lose 7 pounds…

I’m also not setting any goals for minutes working out or doing cardio.  I’m just going to make it a goal to not cancel sessions.

And a more important goal f9r me at the moment is to find a new job.  Apparently the place that was all hot and heavy on me Monday has apparently changed their minds.  I haven’t had any call to schedule the in-person interview they were so desparate to do this week.

Oh well, c’est la vie…

I’ve also had 2 run-ins with pizza this week (I KNOW it’s only Wednesday!), and an encounter with Wendys.  And even as I type this, I’m thinking I want pizza again tonight…  So I need to bring back my focus on staying away from that crap.