I’d like to say I got back up on the wagon, but that would be a ginormous LIE.  :)  I don’t even want to discuss the details, but suffice it to say the past few days have NOT been pretty at all.  Although to my credit, there was NO pizza, NO fast food, and NO diet soda… So I got that going for me…

I have been debating all week whether or not to weigh in Friday, and I’ve finally decided it’s better to know how much damage I’ve caused myself…  *sigh*  However, tomorrow isn’t the measurement day with the Evil Trainer – that is actually the FIRST Friday of the month, so mine will be a week from tomorrow…that’s also the day I had the goal of reaching 350…  Wish me luck!

I’m also a bit annoyed, and I’ve decided to get it off my chest rather than stew about it, so here goes.

Someone made some comments about my last posting – you can’t read them because I haven’t approved them.  And I haven’t approved them because they PISS ME OFF!!!

Basically this person lectured me on the choices I made for my party and the subsequent snacking….lectured me like my mother used to.  And OF COURSE this person has the answer for all my dieting woes… Apparently I have to give up all milk, eggs, meat, and replace it all with tofu and roasted veggies…  Frankly I’d rather be fat.  And I’m sorry, but anyone who thinks vegan=thin is delusional – I know fat vegans…

You know I’m sure this person meant well, but I don’t know how ANYONE who has truly battled any kind of weight problem could ever think that that kind of sanctimonious bullshit helps!  IT DOESN’T!  What it does do is piss people off, and if you are an emotional eater (Hi, I’m Pam, I’m an emotional eater) it makes you EAT, or at the very least it makes you want to eat.

Frankly don’t know if I will ever approve this person’s comments… They certainly weren’t helpful to me, and I wouldn’t want to spread that kind of crap to the people who are on the same journey, fighting the same demons…

Sorry this post is so negative…  I’ll be better tomorrow… I see the Evil Trainer for 1.5 hours, so I”ll be too tired to be bitchy  ;)

No no, this isn’t my last post… Rather, I was thinking about my last post…

Where basically I didn’t want to let the Evil Trainer down by not following his instructions about the elliptical trainer… The more I think about it, the more wrong it seems.

Wrong?  Yes, wrong – why am I worrying about disappointing him and NOT worrying about letting myself down?  Shouldn’t I be more important to me than that?

Maybe that’s part of my issue – maybe I’m NOT important to me.

I need to stop letting myself down…

For whatever reason I slipped into some bad habits…No – nothing involving fast food, pizza, or diet soda.  I sat around eating junk all day.

My allergies were HORRIBLE today & I was out of Alavert – so I had to run to the store to pick some up.  Unfortunately I also picked up some tapioca pudding and 3 donuts….Ate it all….felt like crap…Enjoyed the tapico, but the donuts seemed greasy.

Not going to let this derail me – but I am <MOTHERLY TONE> very disappointed </MOTHERLY TONE> in myself…

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Okay, because sometimes I AM a big, dumb girl, I decided that yesterday wasn’t really a proper free day.  I mean I still managed to come in at my goal for calories even with the Wendys sammich and frosty.  That’s no free day!  So after a morning visit to my folks to balance their checkbooks and pay some bills for them, I decide I want pizza (yes, I’m sure the two things are related).

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