Feeling only slightly less “dark” than yesterday, and I almost broke into tears when I was working with the Evil Trainer today (for NO reason), and I purged last night (dammit!)…

BUT I’ve made an appointment with a doctor.  Haven’t been happy with my old doctor so I picked a new one which a friend recommended – and it turns out she’s been one of the top rated Denver docs… So maybe she will actually do more than just tell me that losing weight will fix everything.

I also made an appointment for a mammogram, and a dental appointment as well.  And if I can figure out if my insurance will pay for a dermatologist visit for a mole check, I’ll be making that appointment as well.  I’m paying what seems like an obscene amount for insurance, so I’m going to use every single benefit I can!

The Evil Trainer is worried about me – he hugged me when we were done today – and hugging is something he and I don’t do.  We cuss each other, call each other names, flip the bird, etc, but never hug…so I almost cried from that….damn him…

I have Pilates tomorrow morning and again on Saturday morning, and i’ve seen the Evil Trainer twice this week already (he’s going hunting AGAIN).  So I’m trying to force myself to keep these appointments rather than just sit home alone watching TV.

I applied for yet another job today – and I’ve got a call to return tomorrow from a recruiter.  Butbased on past experiences with these kinds of calls, I’m not putting any hope into it.  It seems they usually are just collecting names & resumes.

I also am trying to think ‘out of the box’ with a job – I explored the openings at the hospitals in my area (I live in a hospital-rich area) – but although I did find a couple tech jobs I could do, they aren’t jobs I’d want to do… So I’ll just keep looking and trying to identify companies I’d like to work for… Nothing much more I can do other than keep trying…

I guess that’s enough mindless rambling….