Things just are not right with me lately.  It’s not a weight thing, it’s something else, something more.  And as much as I HATE it, I think it’s time for a trip to the doctor.

I just feel like crap all the time – no matter how well or poorly I eat, and I’m tired all the time.  It just kind of feels like I’m sleepwalking through my life right now.  I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything, but I do force myself to.  But even when it seems like I’m enjoying myself, it just feels so fake and forced, and all I want to do is go home and be alone.

I know I’m horribly stressed over not having a job lined up when the current contracting gig ends.  Throw in a little perimenopause, and voila!  You have a complete basket case named Moi…

*sigh*

Sorry to be such a downer, but I don’t have any sunshine and happiness to dish up.

I’ll call the doctor tomorrow…

Whoever decided to put friggin’ porcelain tile in my kitchen should be taken out and SHOT.  It it the most godawful surface to stand on and cook.  Every part of my body aches from it….I just want a hot bath and bed….

Been missing because I’ve been busy this week – had some business things to deal with and then I’ve been getting ready for my annual Halloween bash.  Yesterday I was in grocery store and box unpacking hell (I HATE HATE HATE grocery shopping).

Today I have been cooking – made a double batch of my “Good chocolate chip cookies”, 2 dozen maple cupcakes (to be frosted with chocolate ganache and sprinkled with bacon), 2 loaves of pumpkin mincemeat ribbon bread (didn’t have any of my homemade canned pumpkin, so I used homemade mincemeat instead), and five pounds of meatballs…

Good Lord I’m tired.

Although I have been sampling, I’ve most definitely sampled WAY LESS than in years past.

I haven’t been anywhere near a gym – I don’t know what I was thinking to think for one second that I would go work out.  Just too much to do, and not enough of me to do it…

I’ve also decided in honor of Fat Talk Free Week that I will NOT be weighing in tomorrow.  I’ll weigh in on the 30th and perhaps I’ll be at my goal of 250.

Okay – off to a hot bath and bed…

Have passed, and I didn’t give in…  Tho last night was miserable.  But today all is well.

Although, I was really annoyed this morning with the chatty guy at work who would NOT shut up…  Thought I was going to have to punch him in the throat…  but after a a fun lunch with a friend, I felt much better – even without having booze involved!  ;)  So annoying guy gets to talk another day…

Weigh-in day is tomorrow, and although I didn’t make my cardio/swim goals (I know, shocking!), I actually UNDER-ate most days and I’m hoping that will be reflected in the scale.

Now I didn’t under-eat to make my weight goal for the week… But between the knee pain keeping me on the couch, and then fighting the cravings, I just didn’t eat enough.  Probably part of the reason I was sooo crabby this morning…

I’m hungry now too – but I’m more tired than hungry, so I think it’s time for a hot bath, then off to bed.  Got to be at the gym by 8:30 for my cardio before the Evil Trainer starts tormenting me.  I’m going to give the Elliptical (yes, the shitty one they have that I HATE) another try and see how my knee feels.  If’ I can’t deal with it, there’s always the hand bike.  :)

I had (margarita) lunch on sunday with a friend, and he and I were chatting about work, and I mentioned that I didn’t like what I did anymore, but didn’t know what I would prefer to do.  The dream used to be that I’d own a bakery.  And he made a comment that’s really annoying the CRAP out of me…he said he couldn’t see me doing the work, but that maybe I could just run the place.

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Still need to put my foot in the ass of the fired Sysadmin….9.5 hours today so far to recover a system which got all f’ed up because of the dumbass way he configured it…..and I’ve got at least 2 more hours work to go.

That means no pool time por moi tonight.  :(  But I’m already beat, and in about 1.5 hours I have to get back to working on the f’ed up system.  Some days I really hate being a computer geek…

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Today was definitely a Monday….and it kicked my ass.  Didn’t sleep well last night – I was dead tired, but I just kept tossing and turning.  And then it was another day of trying to figure out what drug the guy who got fired was doing and then trying to fix the shit he screwed up.

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